Life occurs between the ears. You don’t become what you want, you become what you believe.Katie L. Woods
Week 2 of The Jourse tackled the first of the four buckets we discussed last week (Physical, Mind, Soul, and Relationships), namely our MINDSET and was all about paying attention to the voices in your head.
Katie identified two primary voices battling in our minds: The Critic and The Mentor. When we let The Critic control most of our thoughts we suffer. This is an obsession about yourself when you do so.
You are not your thoughts.
You are the thinker of them but they are not you. Your relationship with them determines your happiness. As an example think of The Critic and The Mentor as two wolves. One is good and one is bad and both are battling inside your head. The one that wins is the one you feed. It is by using self-awareness that you can feed the good wolf.
Ways to Feed the Good Wolf (aka The Mentor)
- Feed your mind: help it grow through study and activities your mentor guides you to and that is how you will gain awareness. Shockingly, 50% of people never pick up another book after they are done with their education.
- Break Through Fear: First assess the fear. Assess whether it is a real fear or one you have created for yourself. The only way to face those self-created fears is to just do it. Once you just do that ONE thing you fear you will realize you can do it. That will push you to keep going.
- Identify your ego: That is your inner critic. Once you can hear him/her speaking to you, you can dismiss it. Remember the death of the ego is the beginning of your real life. (Suggested Reading here: Thinking Big, by Tara Mohr). Pay attention to your jealousy because that is a way to identify something that is lacking in your life (ex. jealous of Beyonce’s legs? Figure out how to get them). This will help you to reprogram your thoughts.
If you hear a voice in you say, “you cannot paint.” Then by all means paint.Tara Mohr
4. Have a strategy in place: When The Critic comes out change the story in your mind. Ask if the story limits or empowers. If it limits then change it. (ex. tack on the word yet to the end of the sentence. i.e. I am not a ballerina, yet) Shift the story to try and help others, make it about someone else and NOT you.
At the end of the presentation Katie said stop trying to be enough. It might very well be that you are never enough. But that will be ok. You were meant to be something different and the point is to figure out what that is so that you can live the life you were meant to.
Let me be honest, when I saw this week on my list at the beginning of the year I dreaded it. I struggle with saying, “No.” And when I say struggle, I mean S-T-R-U-G-G-L-E. I think it has to do with my upbringing. Now, don’t get me wrong, my upbringing was fine. No major trauma. I don’t feel like I have one of those stories where I’m working though the trauma of my past.
However, I was brought up to be a pleaser.
There was really no way around it. I’m the oldest of 4 children AND the only girl. My childhood memories all revolve around caring for my brothers, helping with the family business, and striving for perfection in my academics, my athletics, my music, and my activities. Add to that a conservative christian upbringing where it was frowned upon for women to rock the boat and say “no” to obligations charged to them by their husbands, family, or God and you have a recipe for a disaster on your hands.
Even today, knowing that “no” is a difficult concept for me, I still struggle with it, but in a different way. Typically those opportunities to say “no” aren’t in relation to unhealthy choices (for the most part); my life is a carousel inundated with fun and engaging choices. As an adult, Jason and I often have extended family in crises who need us, to the detriment of the attention of my little family nucleus. I have a demanding day job where it is often seen as a weakness to say “no” to additional or extra working opportunities provided by management. However, that takes me away from my family, as well as those activities that bring me joy. My part-time business can literally be worked anywhere at anytime and for that reason I am always feeling guilty when I’m not working, or, in the alternative pushing to keep myself active to the detriment of myself. We have an active friend group and with so much fun going on all the time, it feels impossible to say “no” to any of the activities and plans being made.
You see what I mean. These aren’t bad things.
It’s just that sometimes, the myriad of choices don’t support who it is I want to be as a person.
Over the weekend, I listened to a Podcast from Super Soul Sunday (thank you mother Oprah) that hit on this topic so resoundingly that I have listened to it three times now. “Iyanla Vanzant: You Matter”was one of those Aaah Haa moments that I haven’t had in a long time. Here is the basic premise for me:
Developing the ability to say “no” is the only way you are going to discover what you are meant to be.
How you ask?
Because when you stand firm in you “no,” you open space up to live in your “yes.”
Think about that for a minute. By saying “no” to the things that don’t honor, that don’t support, and don’t sustain who you were meant to be you can’t make room for those things that are really important to you. I am SO guilty of this. I feel frustration all the time because I don’t have time for those things that I find most important. In reality, it’s my own damn fault.
Yeah, I said it, It’s my own damn fault.
By worrying about others, by being a pleaser, I have over-committed myself in detrimental ways. I haven’t made space to live in my yes.
So this week, let’s flex that “no” muscle a little bit. We can all make space to live in our “yes’s” and really, that is what is most important.
Make sure to check out Iyanla Vanzant: You Matter. Available on iTunes. Here is a video link to her full “You Matter” sermon. (Oh and if you don’t think it’s a sermon, watch the whole thing….It will have you saying “AMEN” by the end)
Fair Warning: I am an Amazon Affiliate. But here is a link to one of my favorite books right now. Girl, Wash Your Face, by Rachel Hollis.
Her chapter on about the word “NO” is about as life-changing as can be…if you are open to it. 🙂
You can’t know who you are without knowing what you need.Katie L. Wood
Katie L. Wood is one of my favorite trainers. She recently branched out of the business world and developed a series of training’s designed for specifically for women and their personal development. Her terminology of “Jourse,” which I can’t say without trying to sound like a white female rapper (and not a good one), is based on the premise that you must figure out what you need before you can discover who you are. The Jourse wants you to learn that sometimes we get caught of living our life backwards-we try to have more in order to do what we want. However, the opposite is true:
You must first be WHO you are and do what you NEED to do, in order to have WHAT YOU WANT.Katie L. Wood
Perhaps the biggest takeaway I had from this first week in the Jourse is this concept of having 4 primary buckets we need to fill in our lives. If we don’t focus on filling the buckets it will lead to self-destruction. As women we tend to pour everything we have out of these buckets for the benefit of others and never take time to replenish them.
So what are those buckets?
- Physical-What are you doing to keep your body healthy and strong?
- Mental-Do you flex your mind, learn, and continue to grow?
- Soul-How do you honor the higher power your recognize in your daily existence?
- Relationship-Are you showing up meaningfully to those people that matter?
What are you doing to fill these buckets? I mean, really think about it. Are there one or more of these categories that are completely lacking in attention?
For me, I’ve done a pretty good job filling buckets one and two; however, buckets there and four have been getting neglected in a pretty major way. And you know what? I’ve felt it. I have physically and mentally felt a drain of energy, motivation, and focus in my life. I can’t even count how many times over the last several months I have said to my husband, “I’m drained,” “I’m spent,” or “I can’t put myself out there anymore.” My buckets are empty and need to be filled.
So this last week has been one of rejuvenation and reflection for me. How do I focus on my soul and my relationships? That, my friends, resulted in a pretty fabulous weekend with the family: quality time with the kids, date night with the husband, and Super Soul Sunday with Oprah. I mean really who else do you turn to when you Soul Bucket needs a refill?
The Jourse, Week 1, was a success in my book. Looking forward to the journey this course takes me on.